TIPS FOR HEALTHY COMMUNICATION
Healthy communication in the family system is incredibly important, but sometimes it can seem difficult to achieve. However, you may improve communication within your family with practise and a willingness to try new things! Family therapists suggest a number of strategies, including promoting regulation, assessing the parenting approaches, and fostering an open environment. But what does that look like in practice?
The famous psychiatrist Dr. Bruce Perry teaches us that we must work to regulate (manage our emotions) before we can relate and reason with a child. This process must be done in this order because a child cannot process information if he is dysregulated. However, a parent cannot co-regulate with your child if they themselves are dysregulated. So, he practices your own regulation skills first—this will set a great example for his son too!
Parents in family therapy often talk about their upbringing and how this has impacted the way they raise their children. Many parents grew up in a time when children were "seen and not heard." This mentality can damage the child's sense of value in the family system and is usually not conducive to healthy modes of communication as a whole. Parents need to reflect on the way they were raised and truly assess whether those same parenting strategies work for their children.
But how do you maintain authority in the home while making sure your child feels valued and heard? By setting clear family rules and expectations confusion or power struggles with your child will be minimized. When a child is misbehaving, it is important for parents to point out the behavior as unacceptable and inform them of the consequences they will receive, should they choose to continue. Then walk away and let them make a decision. When a child is misbehaving, it is important for parents to point out the behavior as unacceptable and inform them of the consequences they will receive, should they choose to continue. Then walk away and let them make a decision. Be sure to name positive behaviors frequently and reward your child when he is doing well. Paying attention only to negative behaviors can often lead to a different set of problems.
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When you're in a conversation, remember to listen to learn, not respond . Too often, when arguments break out, people start thinking of their own response before the other person has finished speaking. It is helpful when parents model the ability to receive feedback. In these moments you must lower your defenses, creating a space open to multiple perspectives. Avoid using absolute terms like “you never____” or “you always____.” Instead, describe how the situation feels to you. For example, “I feel ____ when you ____ .” This method will promote honest and healthy communication, focused on building relationships.
The core of healthy family communication is the interest and effort to understand each other. Remember that these techniques require time and practise; outcomes might not be apparent right away. However, with a genuine dedication to growing, your family can begin to communicate better on a day-to-day basis.
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