Six Ways to Boost Your Child’s Confidence
Increasing the confidence of boys and girls in themselves is key to their development. When they are self-confident, their behaviors are more active, they are more expressive, and they have greater social and academic success . Lack of confidence makes children more sensitive to anxiety , believing that they are not capable of doing many things and that their efforts will not be successful. What can the family do to increase trust?
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1. Help him be realistic.
From the age of 5 or 6, boys and girls begin to compare themselves with others. In these comparisons there will be times that they win and others that they lose. But it is important to promote a realistic view of situations to prevent children from getting wrong ideas about their reality; especially in the case of negative comparisons.
When the exams begin, there are children who get good grades easily while others have a harder time passing. A child may comment that 'only he has a hard time getting good grades '. We can help him to be more realistic by telling him that perhaps those classmates he refers to have prepared for the exam for a longer time or perhaps they have clarified their doubts with the teacher. We might ask him if he can think of anything he can do next time to make the exam go better.
In this example, it can be seen that at no time do we invalidate the child's perception but we do not reinforce it either. We simply offer a more realistic alternative that will build more confidence and avoid 'I'm no good' or 'I'm no good' thoughts .
2. Trust your abilities
Protecting children is a feeling that all fathers, mothers and caregivers experience. Sometimes, under the umbrella of protection, adults hide their own fears and insecurities by limiting the activities of children.
Let's imagine a mother who had a mishap while skating as a child or who saw a girl have it. It is possible that she prevents her daughter from doing this activity because it is potentially dangerous or that she allows it to be done only under extreme safety regulations. Fears can come from our own experiences, from situations we have observed or from things we have been told.
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Limiting the ability to act based on our fears makes children more insecure, since it prevents them from developing their own abilities. It also prevents them from experiencing the happiness and pride of getting something done for themselves.
3. Reduce supervision
Closely related to the last thing I just mentioned is the problem of supervision. Adults usually supervise children to make sure they are doing things 'right'. But monitoring continuously presents two big problems :
• We give children the message that 'you can't do it alone' . If we think about it carefully, we will discover that this is invariably the underlying message.
• The feeling of not being able to do something not only limits confidence and self-esteem, but also increases dependency . How will the boy or girl find out if they can actually do it or not if they are always supervised?
It is not about leaving the boy or girl unprotected, it is about retiring properly. To do this, we just have to gradually eliminate our help. For example, if when our 4-year-old son takes a shower we undress him, soap him, rinse him and dry him, we can start in the next bathroom to let him dry himself. The next time, we'll let it rinse itself. And so on, we can give them whatever cues we want and then celebrate how well they do things for themselves.
4. Ask why
In order to know what worries a boy or girl or what makes them feel insecure, it is necessary to have an empathic listening . Sometimes boys and girls take time to explain themselves or find it difficult to do so, which is why patience is a key tool that the family has to use.
If our daughter arrives one day saying that she no longer wants to wear that dress that until now she liked so much and we do not understand why we have to listen . Do we offer her an alternative, do we convince her that she continues to wear it, do we say nothing?
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To know how to react, it is important to first know what we have to react to. It is not the same, for example, that a partner has told her that he is ugly than that she believes that it does not suit her. A great strategy when we find ourselves in this situation is to first ask 'what would you like to do?' and then 'what made you think that?' If we ask at first what his change of opinion is about, it is possible that he will close in band.
5. Encourage effort and enjoyment
The results seem to have become the focus of main concern for families today. Boys and girls today look like little geniuses. They have to have good results at school, know languages, play sports, be social, etc. Too many demands for a time of development and continuous changes such as childhood.
To improve the confidence of our sons and daughters, it is important that we focus them on things that depend on them: effort and enjoyment in the present. These are the components that are most likely to bring success closer.
At this point, doubts of the type may arise : 'And if my son does not want to study because he does not like it, do I have to let him play video games, what does he like?' The answer is no'. Or rather, the answer is 'he doesn't have to'. It is that we think and try how we could increase the effort and enjoyment of our son for a certain task that he seems to not like.
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